Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
