Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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