you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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