he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
