If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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