There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
