I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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