Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
