: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
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I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
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I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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