i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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