I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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