a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
