now i know why i became what i already was.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
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I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
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do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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