Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
