Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
