I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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