How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
