Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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