a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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