I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
