its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
