everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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