Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Green mimosas i think yes
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
