On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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