Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
