There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
