but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
