i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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