Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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