2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
