david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
