i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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