HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
