we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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