I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
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I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I will be naked everywhere
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
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You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?