omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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