i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
