I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
