Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He felt like a one man threesome
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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