I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
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he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
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I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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