I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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