She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
