dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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