I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
