I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
