i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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