I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
