I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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