Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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