You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
