wakey wakey hands off snakey
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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