The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
pray to the hookup gods
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
