He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
