i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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