I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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