If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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