During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
