y did u give ur computer a hand job?
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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