I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
