I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I need a beard to bite.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
