Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
