Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
