I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
