My friends, they love my intelligence
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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