dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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