You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
