The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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