yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
