So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
