i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
