it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
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I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
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Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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