she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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