I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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