so that wasnt chicken after all
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
