I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
