is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize