I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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