They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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