My room smells like vodka and shame
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
