Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize