yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
