marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
