Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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