worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
