Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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