Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
